Story topics: mother, NAMI, psychosis, recovery, teacher
In 1994, I was a mother of two, a Montessori teacher, and writer who was suddenly thrust into a world of psychosis. I was a trained therapist who became an incoherent stranger to herself and a devoted wife who separated from my husband overnight and had two affairs that were as brief as my manic episode of that time. Mine has been a journey of forbidden happiness, grandiosity, paranoia as well as delusions, and at its worst, nearly fatal suicide attempts. When I was 34 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had a psychotic breakdown to a non-functioning state.
It took me thirteen years of treatment, education, and faith in mental heath professionals to reach stability and face my mental illness head on. As of this writing, I am on recovery and committed to working with NAMI as a Stigma Buster, a presenter for a program called In Our Own Voice. I hope to offer hope to those who live in the shadows of mental illness by helping erase the faceless anonymity of bipolar disorder. All my writings have the same purpose and both my poetry and prose speak of the struggles but also of the gains of suffering from a mental illness.
People Say I’m Crazy is an inspiring movie who certainly helps people who are having difficulty accepting their diagnosis or who have lost faith that they can reach stability. Families who travel this arduous road will benefit from this masterpiece, which should also appeal to anyone searching for information and enlightment on mental illness and its recovery process.
- From a writer in Los Angeles
Story topics: bipolar, depression, honest, self
I just now watched "People Say I'm Crazy"--seriously just ten minutes ago. Wow.
So many people dramatize the facts of schizophrenia and end up delivering a very skewed view of it to the public. It just ends up furthering people's unfounded fear of mental illness and people afflicted with it.
I personally have struggled throughout my life with depression and bipolar disorder, from the time that I was 11 and diagnosed. It took until I was 24 years old to find the right mix of medications that stabilized me and had acceptable side effects in order for me to move on with my life, get married, have children, and actually enjoy the process of being alive each day.
It was so refreshing to see someone be honest with themselves and the camera, do things that are by nature so difficult to do in front of the camera, and let us in on their lives. This really is reality television and I don’t think I’ve ever seen QUALITY like this on the airwaves.
Beyond all of my praise for the film, I want to thank John, personally, for allowing us a look inside his life. He emotes so well on film that it was evident how hard some of the process was for him, and I felt conflicted right along with him, even though I was enjoying the film. I hope that all of the praise he has gotten from the results of it – and the knowledge that he’s giving every viewer an amazing gift - has been repayment for his struggle.
- a mom
Story topics:
Took me 20 years but I have pretty well have moved on from the label. This is not a war, there is nothing to fight, nothing to beat - this is yourself you are talking about.
To get to the place where you can embrace your psychology and start to work with it takes time and maturity. Eventually, you will have the skills and inner awareness to get a clarity deeper than your story that you believe and tell today. This is spiritual work, a humbling work, it is an intuitive art - it is personal to you. The Universe/Divine/Process has some life principles - you learn to work with them in a very intimate way that words really cannot describe.
My healing has been a spiritual collage which encompasses many fine mentors, helpers along the way for the level I was at - but ultimately I had to go to within, into my own Pandora's box. Every time I venture inwards I feel like a puppy leaving the nest for the first time but I get stronger with experience and my inner forays get stronger and stronger. Yours will too.
Congratulations on your fine work. The world needs messengers. Your spirit has risen to this calling.
- Stephen Vardy (CA)
Story topics: counselor, schizophrenia, son
I’ve never seen anything like your film. Astounding. First, personally - my son was diagnosed with schizophrenia many years ago and he is now 41. I have a professional interest as well. I am a counselor and group facilitator at a growth center. None of us have ever seen such a REAL film before. It’s like watching our lives. Thank you.
- a mother in Canada
Story topics: artist, schizophrenia, self
I have a similar diagnosis and am as well classified "disabled" because of my problems... it is so hard to allow people to see your episodes let alone video tape it for the world...
My mother saw the film too.... now here i am attempting to write an email, not something I would typically do. i really just felt i have so much in common with John.... I too am an artist and in school for photography… I’m hoping the worst of my problems are behind me -- though from what my therapist tells me the worst years medically may be what I’m coming onto... Right now I am finally finding some balances in medications.
Your story is being heard and affecting people out here. You have touched me not just as an artist but as a fellow "crazy" person. OH and by the way there definitly are plenty of girls out there who like big guys, I should know I’m one of them. :c)
- a college student
Story topics: bipolar, self
I was originally diagnosed schizophrenic in 1993. The label has changed to bipolar. I have felt all the same things that John has felt to some degree. The film brought tears to my eyes.
Never have I met anyone who shares similar experiences as I have. I get paranoid, sometimes psychotic. I deal with a lot of anxiety. I get depressed. In the beginning I went into a catatonic and panic state. I've been to hospitals and half way houses. All of them were very different.
I am grateful to John for sharing with us his traumatic life experience. It helped me a lot and I hope more people get to see it. Thank you for this insight.
- a woman in recovery
Story topics: high school, schizophrenia, self
I'm 17 teen years old and a senior in high school and currently diagnosed with schizophrenia and have been for about 2 years. After I saw your film I decided I need to do a project for school about our illness. I’ve been collecting tips and advice to give to a younger generation like me about how to deal with it. I’m including some of the things you do – like checking out the reality of your thoughts, or telling yourself it’s not true. You’re so brave. I want to let people know that it can be overcome and that it affects more people than people think.
Every group home in the US should see your film. Not only people with this illness but some doctors and counselors who don’t have a clue about the inside view. It’s hard to meet with them when you can tell they don’t understand, and especially when they want us to do things our brains aren’t capable of when we’re very sick.
- a student
Story topics: bipolar, ocd, schizophrenia, son, tourettes, understand
I just watched People Say I'm Crazy tonight on TV. Please pass on to John how much I appreciate him opening his mind and soul to the camera. I have two sons aged 21 and 29. The older one has bipolar affective disorder and the younger one has schizophrenia coupled with OCD and a touch of Tourettes.
The older son has it much easier - he is a normal regular likable guy most of the time but has to get through some very dramatic highs and lows on a regular basis. The younger son has many more problems. He is not able to communicate how he feels or what is happening to him, and John's film really helped me to understand what is going on inside his head.
- a mom from Ontario, Canada
Story topics: family, paranoia, self
The film was incredible! It put into words and images what it really feels like to have paranoia. People, including my family and supervisor, don't really understand what it's like to have thoughts that aren't rational and are so hard to control.
I love the scene where John is standing in his studio saying over and over, “it's not true." That is so real to life for so many of us.
I would be homeless or, probably, dead without my family. I know how much a family can contribute to recovery. Your entire family is to be commended. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to John - his courage, especially, is astounding. Not to mention his determination.
- peer-counselor & client in Dallas
Story topics: mother, sister, son
I enjoyed the film very much. It made me understand my son, my mother and my sister - who all have schizophrenia. My son just came home from three weeks in the hospital and your film has given me new ideas on how to relate to him.
- a viewer in Missouri (a mom)
Story topics: mother, quality of life, schizophrenia, understand
I laughed, I cried, and have a million other emotions and feelings that I'll have to figure out later. My Mom is in her 50's and she is paranoid schizophrenic. We are closer now than we have ever been but don't get to see each other often. I grew up with my uncle and aunt because Mom was unable to care for me and my brothers and sisters. I've seen her very ill, and have a couple memories of her being really happy and content.
Lately she seems pretty content when we talk on the phone or visit. I don't think she has had a great family support system. It touched me so much to see your family rally around you and the love that radiates through you all. My family doesn't talk about Mom's illness. My grandpa is my Mom's rock. Always goes to see her and takes her out even when he is sick
This film helped me to understand what my mom might have been feeling and going through – and what she probably is feeling and going through now. I have two boys and I worry about them inheriting schizophrenia. My husband also worries about it. He hasn't met my Mom. Your story has helped me realize that if that happens I can deal with it.
You have shown that with the right resources it can be managed and quality of life improved greatly. A person has to keep trying until they find the help that they need. You are an incredible artist, and I am touched and thankful you had the courage to do this. I can't even find all the words to convey how much this has impacted me. Thank you and your family a million times. You are a blessing, and I am honored to have had a glimpse of a part of your life. You're in my prayers and I am rooting for you everyday.
- a daughter in the Midwest
Story topics: activist, schizophrenia, son
I have never been so deeply affected in my life - it was like watching our own family's lives. My son, who will turn 25 in October, suffers from schizophrenia also; he even looks like John.
What a fantastic thing John and his sister have done. My husband and I signed up for HBO specifically to watch the film. After watching the film, I came to the conclusion that many more people need to see it. So I contacted a wonderful local business and they have agreed to let me show the film there. After that, I have more ideas on where to show it. You’ve turned me into even more of an activist than I already was
- a mom and member of her county Mental Health Commission
Story topics: bipolar, college, self
Your movie really had a profound effect on me. it was the most real film about mental illness i have ever seen. i'm bipolar but with a lot of psychosis, and i just recently graduated from university as a film major. my first psychotic break was at 19, after my freshman year. i was lucky though, after one year, i was able to go back to school, and i'm 23 now.
you have inspired me to try writing a screenplay about my own experience. all the films i had seen until yours have been so untrue to what it is really like to have mental illness. your movie was really special.
- a writer in Connecticut
Story topics: art, college, son
My son was diagnosed approximately two years ago. We have met this challenge with much love and many tears as well as laughter. The darkest times were when the medication wasn't working and he could not do his art. My son’s and John's art are very much alike and as a matter of fact, they look a lot alike. He watched your documentary also. He understood many of John's struggles and wanted John to know he was inspired. Originally, my son left college during the worst part of his illness. He just had his 22nd birthday and hopes to return to college in January.
- a viewer in Missouri (a mom)
Story topics: artist, hope, son, teenager
My son too is an artist, a very talented musician who lost the ability to remember chords when his illness began about age 16. Not understanding his illness, his mother had him arrested and put in jail. Two years ago I brought him to live with me. He has been diagnosed with a schizoaffective disorder--he hears voices, has delusions and a mood disorder.
None of the medications helped my son. He developed a swallowing disorder from one of them, so I took him off it and started him on another regimen three months ago. He says he feels better, sleeps less, has become a gourmet, fat-free cook, but still can't play his guitar.
To the Cadigan family, I say thank-you for the courage, for the tenacity and for the love. You all give me much hope.
- a father in North Carolina
