mother

Story topics: mother, NAMI, psychosis, recovery, teacher

In 1994, I was a mother of two, a Montessori teacher, and writer who was suddenly thrust into a world of psychosis. I was a trained therapist who became an incoherent stranger to herself and a devoted wife who separated from my husband overnight and had two affairs that were as brief as my manic episode of that time. Mine has been a journey of forbidden happiness, grandiosity, paranoia as well as delusions, and at its worst, nearly fatal suicide attempts. When I was 34 I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and had a psychotic breakdown to a non-functioning state.

It took me thirteen years of treatment, education, and faith in mental heath professionals to reach stability and face my mental illness head on. As of this writing, I am on recovery and committed to working with NAMI as a Stigma Buster, a presenter for a program called In Our Own Voice. I hope to offer hope to those who live in the shadows of mental illness by helping erase the faceless anonymity of bipolar disorder. All my writings have the same purpose and both my poetry and prose speak of the struggles but also of the gains of suffering from a mental illness.

People Say I’m Crazy is an inspiring movie who certainly helps people who are having difficulty accepting their diagnosis or who have lost faith that they can reach stability. Families who travel this arduous road will benefit from this masterpiece, which should also appeal to anyone searching for information and enlightment on mental illness and its recovery process.

- From a writer in Los Angeles
Story topics: Doctor, friend, mother, schizoaffective, teacher, voices

I am still in the throes of the illness at age 46.  I was diagnosed with the schizoaffective disorder in 1999.  As early as five I heard voices.  I didn't speak in school, teachers hated me.  We moved every year to make matters worse.  My parents we missionaries, we moved to South America and were thrown into another culture. I have struggled with depression all my life.  I can't remember a time when I haven't been depressed.  My home life was pretty unhappy also.  

When we returned to the USA in 1977, I began self mutilate.  It was the only way I could release the pain I felt inside. I was bottled up inside, the voices were unusually mean and a torrent of insults everyday.  The teenage years were hard enough, along with the voices.  My mother was pretty abusive.  

I struggled through high school, an athlete.  In college,   I ended up for the first time in the hospital.  I have since had six stays. (I must say to finish college...SC Rehabilitation helped me finish college, art school for that matter).

I married a stable man, for that reason.  My home life growing up, had never been stable.  I've had five children, (I got on medication) had years of therapy, since THEN I've home schooled for fifteen years.  I'm currently applying for an assistants job at a Kindergarten in a local school.

My outside face is OK.  Inside, the voices I hear are tormenting me now....and I'm struggling. I put one foot in front of the other.  I have "two rooms" I go into during the day.  One is an outside face one where I face the world "NORMALLY".  The other is my "safe room," It is where my mind goes for safety, in the midst of the  "noise."    

- Mom in South Carolina
Story topics: mother, sister, son

I enjoyed the film very much.  It made me understand my son, my mother and my sister -  who all have schizophrenia.  My son just came home from three weeks in the hospital and your film has given me new ideas on how to relate to him. 

- a viewer in Missouri (a mom)
Story topics: mother, quality of life, schizophrenia, understand

I laughed, I cried, and have a million other emotions and feelings that I'll have to figure out later.  My Mom is in her 50's and she is paranoid schizophrenic.  We are closer now than we have ever been but don't get to see each other often. I grew up with my uncle and aunt because Mom was unable to care for me and my brothers and sisters.  I've seen her very ill, and have a couple memories of her being really happy and content.

Lately she seems pretty content when we talk on the phone or visit.  I don't think she has had a great family support system.  It touched me so much to see your family rally around you and the love that radiates through you all.  My family doesn't talk about Mom's illness.  My grandpa is my Mom's rock.  Always goes to see her and takes her out even when he is sick

This film helped me to understand what my mom might have been feeling and going through – and what she probably is feeling and going through now.  I have two boys and I worry about them inheriting schizophrenia.  My husband also worries about it.  He hasn't met my Mom.  Your story has helped me realize that if that happens I can deal with it. 

You have shown that with the right resources it can be managed and quality of life improved greatly.  A person has to keep trying until they find the help that they need.  You are an incredible artist, and I am touched and thankful you had the courage to do this.  I can't even find all the words to convey how much this has impacted me.  Thank you and your family a million times.  You are a blessing, and I am honored to have had a glimpse of a part of your life.  You're in my prayers and I am rooting for you everyday.

- a daughter in the Midwest